Thursday, September 22, 2011

Never Say Never

So I know I've only been a mommy for 2 weeks, but there are still so many things that I've learned. First- Never say never. You know " I'll never do blah blah blah" or I'll never let blah blah blah". Its funny how you say you'll never do something, or never let something happen when your pregnant but then you become and mommy and that stuff flies out the window really quickly.

So what am I talking about exactly?

1. "I'll never cosleep, or let Ethan sleep in our bed for naps" -  Yeah I made it about a week before I lost this battle. Tim didn't mind cosleeping, but being a nurse and having seen what can happen/how dangerous it can be I fought this hard. I'd walk upstairs and Ethan would be asleep in Tims arms, on our bed with Tim snoring away. Of course I'd freak " You can roll over or smother the baby!!".  But then it happened. Tim went back to work, and I was home alone for 3 days on "night duty" you know, that period which I had been taking turns with my husband so we could both still make it thru the night with 4 or 5 hours of sleep.  Night 1 was a piece of cake and Ethan went to sleep no problems in his crib. Night 2- after trying for 3 hours to put my fussy, screaming little prince to sleep I caved and called Tim to cry on his shoulder. Yeah I had Ethan asleep, but I was holding him, in the rocker, unable to move or he'd wake up. So I bawled, and told Tim how I hated that he wasn't there and he goes " Shannon go lay down, take him with you, you'll be fine. And I did it... I caved.  Of course I was so paranoid that I would roll over the baby, or he would get smothered in a pillow or bedding. So I took all of the pillows ( except the one under my head) off the bed, and pushed away everything but the sheet. It took me about another hour to trust myself enough to sleep, but I did it. And woke up 3 hours later to a peaceful sleeping little boy.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm still going to try to not make a habit out of this, but if I occasionally have to let him sleep in bed with me so be it. Cosleeping may have saved my sanity that night.

2. "I'll never give my baby a bottle, I'm only going to breast feed until I go back to work" - Well if you've read my recent post you know this lasted a whole 2 days, but not for lack of trying. We still try to get E to latch on, and he still will... for about 2 minutes and then he is over it really quickly. So pumping it is....

3. " I'll never let him cry it out, newborns can't be spoiled" - Ha yeah right!  It took a few days but it quickly became apparent that sometimes my child cries just to cry. Just like they say someone talks just to hear their own voice.  There is a period almost every night, about 7pm where Ethans grumpy alter ego whom I've named Egor ( don't judge me, I was sleep deprived and it was funny) comes out, and there is no amount of milk, or diaper changes, or cuddling that prevents Egor from showing his mean little self. So I've stopped fighting it and started to embrace it.  I try for a few minutes to sooth the beast, and go about getting other stuff done while Ethan has his screaming fit.  It normally doesn't last long but a lot can be done in 15-20 minutes in my house when it comes to cleaning/showering/whatever. Now before you jump on the whole " what a bad mommy for leaving her child to scream" train know that I don't just walk away for 20 minutes until he wears himself out. I take a few minutes, try to calm him and then if its not working go get something done ( loading the dishwasher anyone??)  then go back and try again. Sometimes a baby just needs to cry, and I've learned if I sit there the entire time all it does is make us both cry because then I become " I'm a horrible mom, he hates me, blah blah blah" I know thats not true though and I know he is just venting in his own cute little way

4. "I'll never say I miss being pregnant" Ok I'll admit it.There have been days or moments were I have missed it.  Missed feeling him move inside me, feeling like I didnt have to share him with the world. It was just me and him....I find myself constantly putting my hand on my stomach forgetting all that is left is a layer of fat and some crazy looking stretch marks. But then I look at the handsome little boy with the big grin and I smile because its all worth it.

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