Friday, April 19, 2013

My Kid...

Is a jerk.

 Thats right I said it.  Ethan has decided he can't wait until two to become terrible, so he is getting a head start.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my son more then words can say but that doesn't change the fact that he is TROUBLE.

So you are out running errands with your family at your local Target and see this little boy running around and getting into everything with his very frustrated looking mother running after him looking like she is going to drown herself in wine later. Chances are its me and I'm saying "Ethan Andrew get back over here!!"

I have that kid. You know the kid that you see in the restaurant who wants to do nothing but cry or throw his food, the kid you say " they wouldn't be acting that way if it were my kid". Yeah I use to say that too, and then my sweet, loving little boy became that kid and I constantly am at my wits end with either wanting to pull my hair out, or run away and pretend I don't even know him.

I have that kid who test your patience on a daily basis and has no qualms about showing his naughty side in front of the entire world.

Case and point- I picked Ethan up from the sitters and decided we would go down to the beach to play at the playground on the beach. Well Tim packed his clothes for the sitters house and forgot to pack a belt so homeboys pants were literally sitting on the ground every 30 seconds. So after about 20 minutes I had enough and decided to take him to get ice cream instead. Why? Because it was a beautiful day and he was behaving for once. So I tell him " Ethan its time to go, but we are going to get a treat".

 You would have thought I told him I was going to kill the dog. Sand flinging, screaming at the top of his lungs I had to drag him away. So we get to DQ and I decide that we would share a strawberry sundae  and I also got some frozen lemonade. Well after pitching a fit because the ladies at DQ weren't making his ice cream fast enough he refused to walk- Why because his stupid pants of course. So I juggled a kicking and screaming toddler, ice cream, my purse and a lemonade to one of the little outside tables. 
 ** Now any smart mom would have said F this and left without the ice cream, but whatevs, I'm not that smart apparently.**. 

So we sit at the table and I hand him a spoon. He throws it. Ugh! I grab him another one and give him a bite of ice cream. Ok all is well again in the world. He has ice cream and a smile.  I on the other had have no ice cream. Why? Because every time I get near it he screams and swats me away. (I know I know... ya should have just left the ice cream huh...)So I say fine, I will drink my lemonade. Well stupid me decided to steal a bite when he wasn't looking only to have him whip around throw my lemonade off the table. Yep that was it. My cup had run over and I was officially ready to kick my kids ass. So I snatched up the ice cream ( go ahead and say it... about time dummy...) and throw it away. Now I know its going to tick him off but I don't really give a rats booty at this point so I scoop him up and away we go to the car. Only to have him...... SUCKER PUNCH ME in the throat.  And it took every bit of will power I could maintain to not give him a spanking in front of everyone who was probably thinking  that I was a moron and my kid is an asshole.  I'm a firm believer in no spanking, but I'm also a firm believer that I'm nobodies punching bag. Literally.

Everyone always gives me the same response- He's a boy that's just how boys are. 
Well I don't think that's a good enough reason to let him act a fool. When did my son decide that kicking, screaming, hitting, and full on turning into the kid from Problem Child become acceptable behavior.

Now before you get all judgmental let me tell you we've tried timeout, we've tried redirecting, we've tried all those dumb books about happiest toddler on the block stuff. My kids just a jerk. His pediatrician says he has just reached his terrible twos early. I say he may not live to see his 2nd birthday.

Yes I'm whining. I'm tired, I'm grumpy, and I have dinner to go clean off the table from where someone decided he wasn't eating tonight. Then I think I have a glass of wine in my near future and will be googling how early you can send your kid to military school.

1 comment:

  1. Grandma Carol and I just died laughing - crazy kid. Bless your heart. I hope he simmers down for you =)


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